In a shocking turn of events, a Pennsylvanian man has confessed to stealing the 2020 US presidential election. Details are emerging of the confession in which an unnamed man admitted to taking the election without consent on the night of November 4th 2020, just hours after polls had closed.
It appears the robbery was meticulously planned. “I’d spent a decade in Africa and became skilled in the art of stealing elections…I learnt from some of the very best election thieves and felt I could use these skills in 2020.”
Buried
The thief was reluctant to disclose exactly how he committed the crime and refused to tell where he had hidden the election.
“I was going to hide it somewhere in the sub-Sahara, but stolen elections there are ten a penny, and I would have struggled to move it on. So I eventually buried it somewhere in Pennsylvania.”
The Keystone State
Despite the confession, the man has currently not been charged. According to the Federal Election Commission, there is no proof that a crime has been committed, just the ramblings of some weird old nutjob. “If and when we locate the 2020 election, we will then be in a position to move forward with a prosecution,” said an FEC spokesperson, “until then our hands are tied.”
Police and government agencies are currently excavating the entire Keystone State in a desperate attempt to find the missing election.
Enormous Sinkhole
A gleeful Donald Trump held an emergency “I told you so” press conference at Mar-a-Lago but was swallowed whole by a typically Floridian sinkhole.
Leave a Reply